By now, you’ve probably heard of the flap over the Vermont Country Store: the vaunted, olde-tymey retailer who markets under the “Purveyors of the Practical and Hard-to-Find” is now hawking sex aides in its latest catalog.
But here’s the thing: the dust-up over the Intimate Solutions section is less about bucking the brand’s traditionalist image and more about the fact that they’re reaching out to the blue-rinse crowd:
Explains Orton in a statement to the Associate Press, “we never got any letters saying we want this. This was a sense, because our customers are a certain age and sex is below the surface in the world we deal in. I said ‘Look, let’s see if our customers respond to this.’”
If we assume that seniors, like every other above-consent age group, have a right to good, wholesome, safe and enjoyable sex, wouldn’t the Vermont Country Store be the right brand to help them out? If not, are we comfortable leaving books like the laughable - intentionally or incidentally - “Grandpa Does Grandma” to the task?
Seems to me that satisfying sex for seniors fits perfectly with the “practical & hard-to-find” brand promise.
Last week was a very busy one here at the Newlybed: I published 25 posts on lovely love/lust/sex and relationships/marriage.
Why? Because Valentines Day is like the Christmas for love and sex news. Press releases, research summaries, new products and advice & review columns flooded the online world.
And, I admit, they flooded the blog a bit too. Publishing a month of posts in just a few short days was really fun, but a few gems got lost, I’m sure.
So I’m scaling back a bit this week and next, giving you a chance to catch up on your Newlybed reading. I’ll post, but not as frequently. The Research Roundup will be back on track for next Sunday.
I’ll keep scouring the web for entertaining videos, awwww-inducing newlywed photos and thought-provoking stories, too. [Expect analysis and commentary on both, of course.]
And I’ll be renewing my focus on personal entries and tales from the Newlybed. Now, don’t expect detailed color commentary on my sex life, but I promise to be as revealing and emotionally naked as you’ll let me.
I bet you’re feeling chaffed. Or chuffed, maybe. After all, it’s a few days after V-day and that inevitable hangover really hunkered down and it’s prolly still pelting you like a stormy little raincloud perched squarely above your shoulders. So, it’s okay to be grumpy. I hereby grant you full permission to wrinkle your nose, furrow your brow, cross your arms and reach for the nearest pot of coffee/bottle of aspirin/jug of hooch.
While you’re soothing yourself, here are some ridiculously bad headlines to help chase away that grump face. I put them in a numbered list to help you navigate.
2.) Wait - did UPI just forget to credit Consumer Reports as the source of this illuminating investigatory work? And will Consumer Reports start verifying these preliminary findings in their labs any time soon? (Hint to CR: it could be AWESOME)
3.) Four days before day 13 of their menstrual cycle, ladies become exceptionally fond of lads with oversized pupils. It’s a scientifically-proven fact or something.
4.) Prairie voles are surrogate humans, so it’s scary to know that when a male prairie vole is separated from his ladyvole, he gets bummed out. Just like human voles! Damn you vasopressin depletion and elevated levels of cortisol!
5.) Despite apocalyptic warnings on how sex is the worst thing ever, teenagers won’t stop having sex or being little sluts.
6.) Foreplay doesn’t matter to chicks? And two-pump chumps are just as good as marathon men? Um, sure researchers, it’s all about the dude and his skills. We ladies just lay there with our eyes squinched shut thinking about England until our flowers get all pollinated and tickly and we shudder ourselves into a lady-bits sneezing fit.
(Well, specifically Mr. Abraxas, but also to all you other readers of the Newlybed.)
Have a lovely, snuggly, vasopressin-and-oxytocin-induced hazy day out there.
And in case you missed it, Examiner.com published a comprehensive exploration of Valentine traditions around the globe.
Who knew that in Scotland the first young man or woman encountered by chance on the street or elsewhere will become that individual’s Valentine or at both Japan and Taiwan celebrate with two Valentine Days or Belarussians(pictured right) were so into the pageantry of it all?
National Mistress Day is February 13. It’s an unofficial holiday - unlike the observance of Valentine’s Day which, as we all know, seems to be rigidly enforced by powerful chocolate and flower cartels - but one that’s.
Where did it come from, you ask?
Well, the Examiner (via Gothamist via Gourmet Magazine) seems to think that it’s a natural outcrop of overbooked love calendars. While February 14 is taken up by dutiful doting on a spouse, the day before is when highrollers in big cities spend time and money on their other other halves.
Noel Biderman, president of a website which helps married partners cheat, says “It might not be a nationally celebrated day, but it’s at least a day to practice your ‘mistress retention’ skills.” The NY Daily News article he’s quoted in breaks the event into its constituent elements.
So what should you do if you’re married and faithful? Take your spouse out twice! And always always always treat your wife like you would a mistress: consider yourself embroiled in an illicit, hot-like-lava affair, where the conversation crackles, the champagne flows, and the sex sizzles.
Jezebel tipped me on to this Daily Mail article, which introduces some fantastic sex instructional vids just released by the BFI (British Film Institue, darlings). [Note: As always, props means do take the time to read both articles and the always-pithy Jezzie commentators.]
Second, the goods:
Here’s the 1932 flick we’ve been dying to see, “The Mystery of Marriage.” Enjoy!
The University of Washington has undertaken a nice, safe, interfaith project to explore how different religious systems stack up on particular topics.
This week, writers representing Baha’i, Christianity, Judaism, Islam tackled sex.
Common threads? Unity, spiritual growth and sexual chastity until marriage.
The differences? Yours to glean.
Take look at the whole thing here - but be warned: religious profs these writers are not. But while their analysis may flag in places, their insights are borne of personal experience and make for a revealing read. [And prep yourself for a lot of vertical scrolling.]
