Yes, it’s not just the cascade of neurochemicals from physical contact that help couples feel good. There are other, albeit less understood, plusses that come from dating and relating.
According to a Barbados Advocate interview with Harry Reis, PhD and co-editor of the Encyclopedia of Human Relationships, married people [and others in close relationships] can expect to experience:
Less depression and substance abuse
Lower blood pressure
Natural pain control
Longer life
The biggest surprise? Faster healing: “researchers at Ohio State University Medical Centre gave married couples blister wounds and among spouses who interacted warmly with each other - theirs healed nearly twice as fast”.
(Well, specifically Mr. Abraxas, but also to all you other readers of the Newlybed.)
Have a lovely, snuggly, vasopressin-and-oxytocin-induced hazy day out there.
And in case you missed it, Examiner.com published a comprehensive exploration of Valentine traditions around the globe.
Who knew that in Scotland the first young man or woman encountered by chance on the street or elsewhere will become that individual’s Valentine or at both Japan and Taiwan celebrate with two Valentine Days or Belarussians(pictured right) were so into the pageantry of it all?
The University of Washington has undertaken a nice, safe, interfaith project to explore how different religious systems stack up on particular topics.
This week, writers representing Baha’i, Christianity, Judaism, Islam tackled sex.
Common threads? Unity, spiritual growth and sexual chastity until marriage.
The differences? Yours to glean.
Take look at the whole thing here - but be warned: religious profs these writers are not. But while their analysis may flag in places, their insights are borne of personal experience and make for a revealing read. [And prep yourself for a lot of vertical scrolling.]
Until now, The Newlybed had a good week leading up to V-Day. We gushed about a new NILF-crush, we felt empowered by an Aussie take on realizing the benefits of being happy, and we found a new book to keep by the bedside.
I know that you’re in the business of being controversial and thought-provoking and that getting eyeballs means keeping your writers’ freezers stocked with frozen dinners.
But a press release trumpeting poll results which indicate that economic-inspired negativity has breached the impermeable hull of the newlybedrooms? Just cruel.
And it’s hard to underestimate the importance you assign to these things. In fact, you refuse to let us, as your wonderful PR hacks’ work (emphasis theirs) shows:
ASTOUNDING FINDINGS FROM VALENTINE’S DAY POLL INCLUDE:
42% of the Americans surveyed are now less likely to have children
More than one in three are less likely to get divorced
In both sex and dating, Americans are being more careful. 41% are more cautious about who they date and one in five are using more birth control to avoid having children
Maybe you’re right, maybe you’re not. Well-choreographed efforts to manipulate the relationship between causation and correlation always irk me, but I can get past that. I’ll ignore the so-called third person effect that taints survey results and instead focus on what I find most controversial and problematic: sexual frequency & income.
In other words, the more you make, the more you bang. 43% of couples making over $75000 a year have sex 6 times a month or more, while only 21% of those making less than that do the same. Anecdotal accounts of jobless spouses not being in the mood seem to make sense. This advice column proves that point pretty well for you (but goes farther in providing concrete strategies to deal with fallout).
But on the heels of both the DABA debacle and controversial research that asserts the bigger a man’s wallet, the bigger his lady’s orgasms, it seems like your de-contextualized findings do little more than reify what would otherwise be (rightly) considered dated, sexist stereotyping: If the he’s not bringing home the bacon like he used to, maybe he’s not the man you need him to be?
What’s more, you’re going to have to keep going to work and hold off on your True Destiny as a Woman: having kids. Why else would you state that “It’s startling to learn here of the number of people who are postponing having children for financial reasons. We could be about to see a potential Baby Bust.” Postponing is very different from nixing the possibility altogether, Tina. So if little junior or juniorette arrives a year or two or three late, there’s no net difference. Unless, of course, you expect that babies roll off the factory line in some weird Fordist production system and any hiccups in this are likely to cause inventory delays for pissed-off would-be octo-moms.
The one bright spot? 80% of democrats and nearly half (48%) of Republicans believe Barack and Michelle have a true romance.
Maybe it’s because they clear the $75,000 threshhold and already have their baby-making done?
Congratulations to the 50% (give or take) of consenting adults who are married: it’s National Marriage Week! Woot!
Finally, a week to tend to ourselves and our libidos, free of the pressures of work, grocery shopping and kidcare.
Or at least, that’s what you’d think it was if you believed your spiritual advisers, because they way they’re discussing a new book coming out this week it seems that marriage is all about decade after decade of hot, delicious sex.
If that doesn’t describe your coupledom, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach plainly asks why the hell not: “What happened to that magnetic force that we call desire?” His new book, Kosher Sutra: 8 Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life. Says Boteach, “when you think of how powerful the sexual drive is, the idea that it has been lost between two people in the same bed every night is truly shocking. Sex is supposed to be hot, about yearning and deep lust, not a sedative to help you sleep.”
True, dat. But where’s the transcendental part come in? Shmuley reveals it through edicts #7 and #8, which center on “Unquenchable yearning — longing and lusting after someone in front of you but whom you can never quite reach” and going “Beyond the body — sex is the key to spiritual awakening that can happen within us.”
I’m game. This not only makes sense, but it makes me want to fondle Mr. Abraxas. So, mission accomplished, Shmuley: Your cross-over appeal to the secular humanist crowd is secured, and I will be buying your book.
But what about the all-important Christian perspective on this Rabbinically-penned text? Check back tomorrow.
Because other newlywed-focused websites focus exclusively on the yuppie-fication of your otherwise joyous union, The Newlybed has had little company in pursuing an agenda of happy, horny married life.
But no longer! Thanks to still-in-love husband and wife team in the White House, everyone is catching the spousal fever.
Last Saturday, Jezebel posted about other media mavens in awe of “married romance” - a concept peculiar enough to warrant an extensive discursive dissection on the Columbia Journalism Review.
Even Fox got into the fray, posting this analysis of the lovebirds:
While it’s great to recalibrate our assumptions about what the goings-on in the Oval Office and Lincoln bedroom and hope for some trickle-down effects of warm and fuzzy feelings, let’s stop short of bump watching, mmmk?
Trends in sex change frequently. Bragging about pegging your boyfriend/husband/gardener no longer makes for edgy cocktail party banter and rabbit vibrators are common enough to make for an appropriate mother’s day gift.
But breaking taboos is a tough game of constant one-upmanship. So perhaps it’s not that surprising that the hottest thing between the sheets right now is also the most unexpected: married Christian sex.
But ultimately, the blame rests on perved-out pastors for extolling the heavenly virtues of earthly delights. Rev. Ed Young told his 20,000-strong group to have sex for seven days in a row. Paul Wirth, upped the ante and issued his congregation a 30-day sex challenge. Rev. Mark Driscoll, who has long used controversy to rouse is flock, has come under fire for encouraging wives to be more dominatrix-like in the bedroom.
No doubt that some of this advice is well-meaning. Rekindling romance and carving out relaxation time is a strategy promoted by most, if not all, marriage survival guides. And a return to cheap entertainment is expected in times of economic recession. Nor is it surprising that the oldest industries in the world - sex and religion - should conspire to capture mindshare and marketshare.
What’s troubling is the evangelical undercurrent threading through these missives: Christian sex is not merely for the physical pleasure or marital harmony, but to proselytize for the pulpit. Pro-sex attitudes soften the edges of otherwise hard line fundamentalism. In other words, God wants you to fuck; it’s the Christian thing to do.
Rewind a few decades and see that this sentiment is eerily foreshadowed through Flirty Fishing, a practiced followed by some members of the Children of God religious movement. During the 1970’s and 80’s, believers took a very literal approach to spreading Christ’s love, as explained by the video below:
What do you think? Leave your thoughts in the comments section.
That Brides Magazine - Conde Nast’s flagship wedding porn publication - is celebrating its 75th anniversary must be proof of its popularity.
On surface, it seems that the secret to its longevity can be explained by two factors. It was the first to patent and popularize the formula for the modern wedding: Bride in White + Groom in Tux + Vows + Guests = Party. And, over and over, it recalibrated itself to remain culturally relevant to changing expectations.
But the way a press release frames it, there may be another explanation.
Historically, the mag was more concerned on easing the transition from Single Girl to Married Girl, rather its present, singular focus on the selling of one magically perfect and princess-worthy day.
Says editor-in-chief Millie Martini Bratten: “If you were a bride in 1934 when the magazine launched, you were quite concerned with how to set up a home and how to cook a steak to his liking. In the late ’60s, you wanted guidance about wedding-night sex. Today’s bride likely already has lived on her own - and probably knows more than a little about the birds and bees - but she still wants some help in learning how to plan the perfect party.”
I have anal tendencies. That’s not to say that I like anal (Ed. - Or that I don’t. In fact, thinking that this is that kind of blog is just wrong. My mom reads this blog and that’s weird and dirty. Also, HI MOM!).
I am willing to admit that I am overly anxious. I am nerdy. I am careful to keep records. I enjoy planning and forecasting.
So one night, after another romp in the newlybed, I went to the computer and hit the googles, looking for a lifetime sex calculator. I couldn’t find anything useful. So I did the math myself and arrived at our nifty little number: 10 000.
Yes, If Mr. Abraxas and I make it to our 50th wedding anniversary (possible) and allow our frequency to decline by approximately 40%, (is flatlining at 4 times per week optimistic?) we should be able to break the 5-digit mark.
That’s not just a lot of notches in our bedpost: that’s whittling the bedpost into a toothpick. That’s 2.5 million calories burned, collectively. And a lot of post-coital cuddletime.
