National Mistress Day is February 13. It’s an unofficial holiday - unlike the observance of Valentine’s Day which, as we all know, seems to be rigidly enforced by powerful chocolate and flower cartels - but one that’s.
Where did it come from, you ask?
Well, the Examiner (via Gothamist via Gourmet Magazine) seems to think that it’s a natural outcrop of overbooked love calendars. While February 14 is taken up by dutiful doting on a spouse, the day before is when highrollers in big cities spend time and money on their other other halves.
Noel Biderman, president of a website which helps married partners cheat, says “It might not be a nationally celebrated day, but it’s at least a day to practice your ‘mistress retention’ skills.” The NY Daily News article he’s quoted in breaks the event into its constituent elements.
So what should you do if you’re married and faithful? Take your spouse out twice! And always always always treat your wife like you would a mistress: consider yourself embroiled in an illicit, hot-like-lava affair, where the conversation crackles, the champagne flows, and the sex sizzles.
You know it’s gotta be mid-February when the flurry of sex/lust/love research goes from a few snowflakes to a full-on blizzard.
The big theme of today - only two! days! before! V-day! - is about our favorite neurochemicals ever, oxytocin & vasopressin and how they conspire to be the boss of you.
It’s so inspiring that we just insist they make a movie or two out of it. So, here are the pitches:
Option A: The Love Dramedy
The research: Bianca Acevedo and company are researchers who, this explains, are “part of a new field in science that seeks to biologically explain love, and so far they have found that love is mostly understood through hormones, genetics, and brain images.” Moreover, says her colleague Larry Young, love “has a biological basis”.
Sure, sure. It’s all between your ears, and magical sparking neurons release chemicals that make you feel good and gooey and keep you coming back for more. It’s drug-like, right?
Of course! “The brokenhearted show more evidence of what I’ll call craving,” said Lucy Brown, a neuroscientist. “Similar to craving the drug cocaine.”
“Romantic love is an addiction; a wonderful addiction when it is going well, a horrible one when it is going poorly,” another researcher on the team said, adding that “People kill for love. They die for love.”
The movie: In the tradition of non-fiction getting spun into rom-coms, someone could write this into a movie. They could set it in a high school and call it Love is the Drug. This is what a trailer might look like:
Option B: The Rom Com
The research: A high-brow piece in the venerable NYT features Hannah Holmes, and her new book “The Well-Dressed Ape: A Natural History of Myself.” Both writer and researcher are helpless against the grey goo-ey-ness of it all, unable resist the lure of likening love to a labyrinth of neurochemicals. In this too-long-to-hold-our-attention article, we learn that “humans, like dolphins and some chimpanzees, are one of the few species that have sex for pleasure, not just reproduction” and that “other unusual human behaviors include the ability to cooperate (especially when we know we’re being watched, as one study showed), and to share resources and territories — albeit with difficulty”.
The piece then blathers on about ring finger vs. index fingers lengths. And then it meanders around Holmes house. Then something about Match.com and how she met her, well, match there. Effing great. But what about brain drugs?
Ah yes, here we go - it’s in that final paragraph about how cute and nice her husband is: “So just by reading my prospect’s face — and humans are very good at gauging personality in a face — I already had an idea he wasn’t aggressive toward me. And since I’m not very aggressive either, that Berlin Wall of caution crumbled pretty quickly. And of course, the oxytocin didn’t hurt.”
The movie: Could this be a movie? Of course. They could call it Love.com. With sexy, hip but non-threatening youthful characters. But it would probably skew too geeky and need be set in Japan.
* The heart-shaped tub. It’s a classically kitschy touch. * The perfect storm of decor disasters: tacky wallpaper, dayglo carpeting and brass chandeliers = never again! * The camera on tripod.
National Mistress Day is February 13. It’s an unofficial holiday - unlike the observance of Valentine’s Day which, as we all know, seems to be rigidly enforced by powerful chocolate and flower cartels - but one that’s.
